I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You took a bar mat shot.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
