Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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