the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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