I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
