sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the day after is always just damage control
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
