when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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