The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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