I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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