I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
