When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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