someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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