Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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