just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
