erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
