bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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