New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
