i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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