I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
