He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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