Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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