I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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