I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
