All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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