Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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