How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize