Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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