I must be too annoying 4 u.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
