apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize