just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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