My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
