Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
