at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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