His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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