She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
