Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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