Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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