If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
