on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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