I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
