Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
