ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
