your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
