I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
