I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
