He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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