Me too!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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