I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
