I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
