white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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