Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
