Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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