I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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