Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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