people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
