okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
