You're so nebulous sometimes
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
