I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
