just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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