Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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