I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she smelled like a LAN party
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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