walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
