I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
