I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
