Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I will be naked everywhere
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
