I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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