would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Randomize
