Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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