Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
