I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
