She is in my trunk
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
