North Korea, Best Korea!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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