A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
